Expression through art
Today I had the privilege of holding space for a beautiful group of women during our latest workshop, exploring together the theme of mum guilt. It was tender, emotional, and all too familiar to everyone in the room. Whilst it wasn’t surprising to hear just how many of us carry the weight of it daily, it was empowering to explore how we might relate to mum guilt differently as a group of mums who could resonate with each other.
Mum guilt is universal
If you’ve ever felt like you’re the only one lying awake at night, replaying the moment you lost your patience, or wondering if you’ve done enough for your children today—you’re not alone. Mum guilt is a near-universal experience, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job. In fact, it’s often a signal that you care deeply.
But here’s the thing—we don’t need to carry it like a punishment. Guilt, when acknowledged gently, can be a helpful nudge—a moment to reflect on what we value, what we might do differently next time. It doesn’t need to spiral into shame or self-blame.
Reframing guilt as self-awareness
One of the most healing shifts we explored was this: instead of trying to get rid of mum guilt, what if we reframe it? What if it’s simply a signal that something mattered to us, and we can choose how we respond from there—with kindness instead of criticism?
When guilt arises because we took time for ourselves, we need to ask—why does that feel wrong? What message have we internalised that says we must give endlessly without rest?
The truth is: taking time for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential. Our children need to see what it looks like to care for yourself, to set boundaries, to rest. We are teaching them how to honour their own needs in the future by modelling it now.
You can’t pour from an empty cup
How many of us push through exhaustion, resentment, or overwhelm, believing that’s just what motherhood is? But when we’re constantly depleted, we’re far less able to show up as the kind of parent we want to be.
Recharging, saying “I need a moment,” or investing time in something that fills you up is not a luxury—it’s survival. And it’s a gift to your children. A well-resourced mum is a more present, patient, and joyful one.
The power of mantras and self-regulation
We talked in the workshop about the little things we can do in those everyday moments—when your child is melting down, or you’re hanging on by a thread. Mantras like:
•I am enough
•I’ve got this
•I can do it
These simple phrases can act as anchors when emotions run high. They remind us to pause, breathe, and self-regulate—so we can respond rather than react.
Compassion, connection, and community
One of the biggest takeaways from today was the power of speaking this stuff out loud. Mum guilt thrives in isolation. When we stay silent, it festers. But when we share our stories with other mums, we realise how deeply normal it all is.
Treating ourselves with compassion and being held by a community of women who get it is healing. It helps us see our struggles with more softness, more perspective, and less shame.
A quick note on the psychology of mum guilt
From a psychological perspective, guilt can be a healthy emotion. It can prompt empathy, help us repair relationships, and guide us to live in line with our values. But when it becomes chronic or disproportionate—especially in the context of motherhood—it can turn into something harmful.
Much of this comes from unrealistic societal expectations. Mothers are often expected to be self-sacrificing, always available, and endlessly nurturing. Any deviation from that picture—whether it’s going back to work, needing space, or setting boundaries—can trigger guilt, even though those choices may be entirely healthy and right for you.
By understanding this, we can start to challenge the internalised messages that tell us we’re not doing enough. We are enough. And we are allowed to be whole, multifaceted human beings—not just mums.
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If you’ve been carrying the weight of mum guilt, I hope this serves as a gentle reminder: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to carry it in silence. Reframe it, release it, and most of all—be kind to yourself. If you’d like to connect with your playful side then don’t miss my next workshop: ‘Finding joy in the chaos: Reconnecting with playfulness & spontaneity’, which will take place on Saturday 3rd May in Las Palmas.
